Relationships – from the beginning

Do you know why a woman with many cats is called crazy? No matter how many cats a person might own, it will never be complementary to the human heart’s deepest longing. Our culture has blurred the lines and decreased the value of beauty in the differences between men and women. We have substituted this with many of the following: pets as children, pets as best friends, non-committal relationships, confusion around gender, and made a mockery of the covenant of marriage.

Let’s go back to the beginning!

After God created all living creatures, Adam had seen each one and named them all. Adam realized that none were suitable for him. Out of man’s longing for a relationship God created woman. Adam upon seeing Eve exclaimed, “this one, at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” Finally, Adam was able to see Eve in her differences to be equal and complementary. Adam rejoiced in his bride and I’m sure Eve did the same- although it isn’t explicitly stated.

As we reference Adam and Eve as a model for relationships, they doomed us, making them really hard to obtain. As we know, we share in our parent’s original sin. After the fall we lost harmony with 4 crucial relationships: harmony with God, harmony with each other, harmony with ourselves, and harmony with nature.

What does this mean for us?

Harmony is no longer natural for our human condition. Through original sin, we experience concupiscence which entices us no longer toward the good, but toward evil. We have to be very intentional in our actions and in our relationships. Here are a couple of premises for relationships that reintroduce harmony.

According to the author, John Van Epp, the Relationship Attachment Model gives us 5 traits: Know, Trust, Rely, Commit and Touch. A relationship that has and maintains harmony possesses these traits in order. For example, you do not rely on someone you do not yet know, or do not commit to someone you do not yet trust. The problem with many relationships, is they take these out of order, resulting in use, broken-heartedness, sin, and disharmony.

Eve was known by Adam and was seen to be very good. Trust was built into their marriage by experiencing no shame. Eve relied on Adam to protect the garden in his unique masculine role. God made Eve from Adam, which illustrates a deep commitment.

Finally, Adam and Eve procreate and have offspring. If we desire beautiful relationships, they have to stand out. They require continual acts of the will to do good for the other. When we turn on the TV, social media, and song… there may be a façade of beauty or harmony, but too often at the root of it, we see confusion and disharmony. As we know, from the beginning that is not how it was meant. To arrive back at the beginning with harmony in our relationships we must go through a life of grace found in Christ and His Church through the sacraments. Through grace and continual pursuit of virtue, love can be what God had intended for it to be: free, total, faithful, and fruitful.